Evil's Grimoire: One Eyed Blindness

First let me apologize... I never got my anime blog rolling like I managed with my Lego blog. But I have this place, and I have things I want to talk about, and I want to have a place to put them... So I have put it here, where I was keeping my anime music videos.

There is an anime called Gestalt about two travelers going out to find a forbidden God... an evil God... or so it has been passed down.  I'm not going to talk about the anime... it's not very good (mild understatement), but I think about it from time to time, and I watch it from time to time.

I've a method to namedropping this particular anime on my anime blog that for today, and perhaps forever... is now just a place to write things I want to express that are not about anime, but are about a white homeschooled kid growing up in white christian Calvinist America and wandering haphazardly across the internet looking for answers to my questions about everything and everyone before during and after the 2016 election. Come with me on a long unwinding way, I have a thought about what happened to the tree of life.

I was thinking about white parenting and my experience as the kid, and how white people treat black people.

In Calvinist Christianity children are born in sin; cute, evil little buggers. When I was a Highschooler I couldn't negotiate for needs, wants, or activities with my folks.

I was expected to fall in line. Here's an example of a conversation pulled from memory

Boy Scout Camp was $140 dollars, I was always paying about $80 of that. I had trouble making more than 80 dollars in that year long span of time between scout camp years, I wanted to buy Lego with my $80 dollars. It might help if I elaborate, I fucking love Lego, but for Calvinist God and my parents, I had to not make an idol of Lego, so I couldn't ask for it as much as I wanted to and usually didn't get the ones I asked for or wanted most... Lego, and methods for acquisition of Lego was always on my mind.

"I don't want to go to Boy Scout Camp this summer, I have other things I want the money for."

Oh, you're going to boy scout camp, don't worry, we'll cover half like last year.

As if I'd been on the hook for the $140 the whole time, I was trying to negotiate out of going, save them their amount and I keep my $80... but they wouldn't listen... So year by year despite my goals and requests I still spent the $80.

Why didn't I push back? Have you ever dealt with a Calvinist negotiator, they'll tell you how undeserving you are of anything as they strip away what's left, and then give a smidgen of 'their preferences for you' back. You ask to spend your own money and it's paywalled, must memorize x many verses to unlock x-many spending dollars once, of the money in your wallet. They didn't believe in allowances... they were paywalling the money I went out and earned at my job.

I've been disappointed by the Christianity I was raised in... it was meant to be good, that's what they told me.  Christianity was aligned with actions against genocide... or so I was informed. There were always the little oddities, like my Dad lamenting off the cuff that ancient cultures killing their rebellious children to bring the other kids in line was not still in use; a very disrespectful way to handle differences of opinion between parent and child.  But I got the memo, if you don't like how we're treating you keep your mouth shut, other kids literally died opening their mouths.

I think it's an underlying indication of the problem in my Christian heritage.

I must specify the Christian branch I have in mind... I'm in particular going to be drawing on my opinions having grown up with Calvinism, Presbyterianism of the PCA, and the OPC as being fully immersed these were always on my mind when I wasn't able to escape into the joyful pages of a lego catalogue, I was also quite enthusiastic about American Girl catalogues... there was no money and video games weren't allowed... and reading was restricted so when I wasn't reading the Bible I usually had a catalogue with cool pictures and lots of bits of text like... 6984 Galactic Mediator.  

There's always the possibility that my problems were parent specific, but... if it was, I've deep dived for a few years (3) getting the other Christian Homeschooler kids opinions, and I know... my experience with Christian parenting wasn't a unique one off, or even a particularly bad example... up until I was about 10 years old it was generically pleasant, but for my niche wants it was mostly doing find and replace to expunge all of my preferences (evil kid asks for what now?) with parentally approved convenient replacements.  I once was told I could read the Hobbit instead of Star Wars... so off I went to get my substitute book about an alien and when I opened the book and saw fantasy critters... I wasn't able to watch Star Wars still... and I didn't bother reading the Hobbit... I felt cheated... turns out if they'd let me discover the Hobbit like I discovered Star Wars I probably would have liked it sooner... but instead I remembered it as being, NOT, what I was excited about.

There's an old hymn God Be Merciful to Me, with a line that goes something like this, "I am evil born in sin, thou desirest truth within."

This is a notable verse... from my experience The Christian parents want the little children to know how very very bad they are, and so the parents enforce goodness on their very being... often forcefully, nitpicking whatever odd behavior they can find. Pretty soon the child knows how to be good by nitpicking every little thing about itself.  The child creates an interior dialogue constantly thinking thoughts, then sorting the bad thoughts out.... and there are many bad and evil thoughts, they know so, since their parents, teachers, and religion told them so. The child knows it's evil, and this is humility, thus this means it's being very good, being better than the children who've grown up feeling pretty good about themselves, who nevertheless must be understood to be very evil... more evil even than the evil child drawing the good feelings of knowing they've worked very hard to suppress the evil within themselves.  The secular children aren't humiliated about being evil, they're... I hope this is true, celebrated, and maybe having an average, pretty okay, day.  

So the (Humiliation, evil transmuted into Good obedience) Gives the Calvinist child an edge over those happy heathens who think they're doing a-ok.

The Calvinist Child having not yet discovered its full potential of good and evil actions becomes strait jacketed by parents who are themselves afraid of being the evil they confess to being.  It becomes a sort of posturing.  Calvinists go around proudly proclaiming themselves to be Evil before the sight of God and thus better than the Good secularists who have no such compunction to self abnegation.  Thus it's important for Calvinists to guide their children in actively burying that Evil light under a bushel of rules and regulations, to prevent the light of truth getting out.  They suppress normal behavior, they try to rid the mind and the body of behaviors based on their state of the art rules... circa 1536 (Calvin's Institutes) 

There's a phrase, accurate or not: "No one wants to be evil," Better said probably, "No one wants to be perceived as evil."  The parent must according to the Calvinist Doctrine tell the child that it must acknowledge it's evil, but the parent doesn't want the child to act evil, so the parent first proposes a malady of sin for the child, and to protect the child from its inmost malady the parent actively prepares a birdcage for its child's yet flightless mind.  Falling is for certain very frightening, and the mother bird wouldn't want her chicks to fall down to the earth.  So the child being evil is not allowed to be evil, nor is the child allowed to stretch its wings as it may fly too far and touch the burning hot sun of a Good God.  The Evil child must be punished for being born the way God made it, it's the only way the parent can be sure they've raised their Carnally caged (free in the spirit) child right.

The knowledge of good and evil is arbitrary knowledge, a mirror... two equal actors reflecting off each other.  If you're careful, you can avoid looking at one side of the reflection, and live semi-confidently within the Good Men's knowledge cage as half a human.

The parent looks at the child and sees evil

The child looks at the parent and sees good

I'm parent, I  punish bad, it is a good action, I am a good teacher

The child is bad, The parent punishes it, the child protests the punishment, the child's protests are a bad action, it is a bad existence, 

Good seeks an asymmetric advantage, it does not want to bounce off against evil, 

Good wants to run roughshod over Evil and bury its opposite.  Good wants a hierarchy.  

Good wants to be right, and to punish Evil.  

For Good, there are so many Evils, one must always be on guard to rip them up and throw them away.

I'm good, I make laws outlawing Evil's bad existence, I make laws outlawing Evil's bad action

I make laws upholding my good existence, I make laws upholding my good action.

I'm Good, therefore I get to kill Evil, and it is righteous

Evil is bad, therefore it's wickedness for Evil to protest Good punishing it.

The knowledge of Good and Evil is arbitrary... it all depends on the word wielder and their audience.

Calvin propped up support for Evil actions, but he was able to frame his actions, and insulate himself from repercussions, as Good, and got away with it.

The holder of the knowledge of good obscures the knowledge of evil from its good offspring, and tries to get rid of it.

More evil springs up in the child as good is always on the lookout for the evil it must purify its child of.

Good hides the bad, good covers over what it does not want itself to know.  

Good luxuriates in a willful one eyed blindness having purified itself of its evil eye.

Good's offspring carry on with their parents' blindness to the 3rd and 4th generation... if they continue in the behavior.

The Children try to destroy their own evil, that they may perform this ritual cutting on the Evil neighbor as well... Do unto others extrinsically as you've been instructed to do unto your carnal self intrinsically.

I'm going to play with the word Evil now... like a magnet labeled north is the south end attracted to north, and vice versa... I shall play with the nature of Evil, I shall invert its literary use.

Evil has no such luxury as to cut out its Evil eye, like a mirror evil sees both the good in itself and the bad for which it stands accused by the good. Despite evil's efforts Good punishes evil's existence for the sake of inflicting punishment on a chosen word applied to a chosen vessel raised up for destruction, there is nothing Evil can do to appease good, so it keeps its Evil eye, it sees what Good is doing to it.  Good inflicted wounds upon Evil that Evil may properly be seen to be suffering.  Good can't feel Good about itself if Evil isn't suffering, it's doctrinally sound to rough Evil up.

Evil doesn't cut the good eye out of its head, evil does not give up on its goodness, for good would cut out evil's evil eye which is forced to witness evil treatment continually and evil without goodness would be fully blinded, flailing wildly, as one falling eternally, or laid still at rock bottom; silent as death. 

Evil stands guardedly with both eyes open, knowing itself good, knowing the evil good has branded it with.

Good disorders its own thinking with imagined divisions, good splits off part of itself and declares, that which I've cut off isn't me, it can only be evil.

Good clouds its knowledge, and loses sight of the whole picture... its aim is not true, though it prides itself upon its own half truths.

Good's only true aim is lining up the crosshairs on evil.  Good's true aim is not love, good desires to destroy evil, good is the destroyer.  Good is a violent defense against the spiritual forces of Evil... Good is the screaming child in the deep end of a lake, seeking to drown the Lifeguard before its own head can get pulled underwater.

So I will tell you.

Evil enters heaven ahead of good, Since evil does not have the luxury of knowing only good. 

Evil knows both good which it is and evil of which it stands accused and which good engraves on it. 

 

Therefore Evil when it clings to its own existence and its inmost being's inherent goodness, despite Good's claims to the contrary, knows all... For it knows its inmost being, and it knows what Good is accusing it of being... Evil can see that its knowledge of itself and Good's description of itself do not overlap neatly, Evil can see that Good is dealing untruthfully, but Good believes it's correct and cannot see the double body of Evil's good and whole self knowledge merging.  Good surmises that Evil's resistance to Good's posturing, laws, and edicts proscribing punishments comes from Evil being Evil, and not from Good being in conflict with another human's God given existence.

God knows all, holding within itself both good and evil, If god hides its face from evil, it cannot see all, a halfblind god cannot know all, therefore, a half blind god cannot be God.

Here I'll more aggressively turn my own grasp of the spiritual realm of reality to a Scandal for the Calvinist.

The Devil is an aspect of God, A Good Calvinist cannot acknowledge the devil in God and so fashions a god it will accept, a fraudulent bifurcated vision of a God seeking to destroy the Devil once for all, The Calvinist chooses a splitting away for a path to the hoped for good god.  It destroys and brings its destroyed victim to the wrathful god hoping to please it and appease its wrath.  When Good's god is not appeased it assumes it has not destroyed enough, So goodness goes out seeking whom it may devour, and kills again, in the hopes that god will recognize good's good efforts.

Can a mother be appeased with the blood of her children? and yet good tries this tactic over and over and over without fail.

The Black people of America stand accused of wickedness by the White People. Communists, liberals, druggies, deadbeat dads, lazy, and on and on the accusations roll in.  They want to be gods! good white christians quail about the candidates of the day, they've rejected our half truths and think they know better.  

And as I now know, I think it's true enough to say if not better, what's true is Black People know more... about people.

Minorities face racism because White people tell their children the black people behave badly, the white children grow up to become cops, or maintain faulty opinions for the benefit of political leverage, they continue to believe black people behave badly, and they in turn treat them roughly, the black people protest the rough treatment, but this just goes to show to the white cops and the people who are promoting their own one eyed blindness that the Black people are bad actors and can't be trusted with anything... leastwise Equality.  What's a Black person to do when they're first presumed bad, then treated badly, and then punished for protesting the bad treatment which leads to them being treated more roughly still?  Now? but not just now, people are being and have been shot and killed at protests by the Good people who must make sure to protect their country from the Evil in other men.

White people cannot acknowledge the good which black men do, the white people hide their faces from them.

The white people keep their children from them, stop their own ears from listening to them.

The black people warn their own children to be careful, stay woke, they must always know what the good white people are thinking, but the good white people do not want to know what the evil black man is thinking, they only want to hear good things, and they want the evil seeing black man to cover his own eye, to cover up the bad things we've done to him, he would be at risk of showing them things their goodness cannot accept.  He would be at risk of showing them acts they cannot comprehend.

the black people are decent folk and know so, but also stand accused of being indecent and know that the White people say that about them too.

The black people have been accused of devilry, communism, and bad action for protesting the violence inflicted on them by White people, by government of the U.S.A. and by Police forces, and despite that they're stubbornly here, they being kindhearted and stouthearted despite the accusations leveled against them are more fully God than white men.

Evil faced with the onslaught of good, acknowledges it has been defeated, faces death and punishments again and again just because Good feels it must be so, and Evil stands bold against that death, knowing all the while, it too has goodness within it.  Evil deserves to be here.  Minorities deserve to be here

Good is repulsed at the possibility of acknowledging that it owes Evil anything... Equality!  My God!"

"Equality with God is not to be grasped," Good gasps!  For Good of all people has most certainly not grasped it.  

An ordinary man going about his day was gunned down from behind with 7 bullets and lived... he's paralyzed now.----------------------Or the other one.

an ordinary man desiring to be special went to his city and gunned 2 more down to kill those protesting good's attempt to dispense divine death upon a man.  Evil must not demand anything for itself, rather, Evil must be destroyed... Evil cannot ask for anything, be given anything, shown any love... Evil must be destroyed.

Good takes up evil's story of evil's own persecution, good takes up evil's story of evil's defeat, Good refuses to lay down the sword as evil did, good refuses to die as Evil did when Evil could not escape.

Good defends itself from the story of persecution, Good defends itself from the story of defeat.  Good is afraid to die, Good claims god will give Good a special place after Good dies, but good is afraid to die. 

Good is half blind and does not know God, therefore good is afraid to die, that is why good decides to kill, because good tells itself evil is coming to kill good, and good is afraid to die.

Good does not hear from God like it says it does, so good fears the death it says God will give to Evil.  It stays alive everyday for a little longer warning its children about its god's wrath, hoping to one day hear

"well done my good and faithful servant, enter into my rest."

Good is weary from keeping its weapon ready, but it cannot, will not, must not, ever let, evil rest, so good will not rest til evil is vanquished forever.

Rousing violently to defend itself from the outcomes of the evil one's stories of hurt meted out by good Good turns about with stolen stories it has claimed for itself and good fearing harm rushes to defend itself from the harm by doling armloads of harm out. Good is thus found to be a liar, as good did not follow the stories' 3rd development.  

Evil saw itself, 1 against 1,000 and saw that it was about to die, evil chose to lay down its sword and cease fighting, evil chose peace, good failed to seek peace, as it claims goodness does.  Good struck Evil down after Evil had surrendered.

Evil having surrendered to goodness, rather than striking it down, is God incarnated upon the earth... for God is Love.

The evil God come to earth was struck down by the good men.  God's kindness was too far extended, That's how they knew it was the devil, for it loved the evil children just as much as the good children.

The Good men killed God and afterwards they celebrated what god had done for them by giving them strength to kill the devil so they could bring it to their impotent good god.  Still, God was not appeased by their newest sacrifice.

Peace, perfect peace, Good men sing, imagining madly that there will be peace someday when Evil is gone, but Evil knows, there is no peace, so, Evil chooses peace within itself.

and God being, good=evil: Unified, acknowledges a cessation of hostilities within itself... for evil, good and evil cease to be, good and evil become as one whole.  The person accepts Evil as a part of itself that deserves to be here in the reality, Good surrenders to the return of Evil into itself.  Good welcomes evil as family and the division between Man and God falls revealing God is all.

We live in a world where good and evil wars in heaven do not exist, we live in a world where good humans act as if they exist anyway... they want to do harm.

We cannot luxuriate in the knowledge of a world without good and evil.  Good is afraid to acknowledge the lie, it hides its face from the lie, with the lie it can give itself wealth, with the lie it can be special, with the lie it tells itself, I'm more than Evil even as I am less than my god.

The ones who believe, nay insist, Good and Evil must exist accuse the ones who do not believe in good and evil of being evil.

The ones who do not believe in good and evil and who do not seek to overpower other's with arbitrary, asymmetrical knowledge ate only from the tree of life.

the ones who believe in the war in heaven, still think the tree of life is beyond their reach, and thus do not know... they could make a trade... lay down the knowledge of Good beside evil's knowledge to see that they are merely the same indistinguishable fruit, put them side by side, see the whole story set together, made complete.

They could accept the Evil with the Good as family, and in exchange receive fruit from the tree of life.  

But Good cannot show love to Evil, good only knows how to wield the sword.

Know that you are God, not Good and beneath god, nor Evil and bound for destruction... 

You are God, knowing Good and Evil, and When you know both, you'll realize the Good/Evil knowledge is fraud. 

To receive the fruit from the tree of life we reject the fruit of the knowledge of Good and Evil.  

We are all here, and we deserve to be here.  We are God forming one community.  A community of humans.  

I speak of a very real thing... buried within the mind of living creatures.  I know of this thing.  For I cast Goodness aside, I gave up on Christian promises of an afterlife of wealth, whatever that is, wealth is agency, wealth is dignity, wealth is joy, wealth is possibility unfettered from good's arbitrary rules and makeshift demands for compliance.

I acknowledged and gave voice to my Evil.  I've extended love to my worst parts, my rejected parts, my cast off parts.

I feel it's very hard to state how amazing it felt to realize my nitpicking for Calvin's Christian god was all in vain.  Like an uncoiling snake, the burden left me and my nitpicking thoughts whiffed away... and like an explosion there was so much more of me there hiding behind the self hatred and self suppression.  And underneath it all... the biggest kind of me, the most sweeping queen imaginable.  There's no one here... for all of us, we are the chemistry of this world, we all deserve to be here, we are here, we are the matter making itself into all that is.  

(         0        ), What is this place?"  We are small specks on the speck of an orb that looks like a speck of dust next to orbs that look like specks of dust next to orbs out whirling about causing explosions every now and again in the big empty."  Freedom in Christ through the eyes of the Authoritarian Calvin has nothing to offer this kind of Heretic.  For I have delved deep and to my childhood I cannot be but the most heretical creature to white people's Calvinist Christianity claiming the knowledge of Good and Evil which they now eat even as Adam and Eve sinned for eating it.  Spit it out, take and eat the fruit of life, and we'll extend equality to the Evil one, all together as one whole.

I was half gone to wrack and ruin after Christian purity and goodness had its way instructing, teaching and purifying me.  When I realized I was starting to go missing (dissociating) I went looking for the lost parts and stitched myself back together from my evil cut off thoughts.  

In my own way, though I hated my Evil self with a surgical knife when I was Good for obedience sake, I loved myself with needle and thread when I was looking for evil, Looking for Evil when I'd only been taught to keep in good, I stabbed myself, with the fear of going to hell for this. back together many times and drew the thread tight to seal the wounds; and now I'm the whole person I was born to be.  

God asked both children to work in the garden, 

The evil child went out to the garden and was amazed at the colors of all the flowers.  "It's beautiful, it's perfect!" and there the Evil child found rest

The Good child said "I will go and work in the garden," but when it had finished there was no longer a garden there.  Good had pulled up all the Evil weeds to please God.  "What an awful place this is Good said, "Evil must have planted these weeds In my god's garden... I shall have to get rid of Evil and its seeds before I can begin replanting the right kinds of flowers." And Good worked itself to the bone, and suffered long hours laboring trying to make the garden perfectly good for good alone.

Evil hopes that one day Good will stop murdering Evil, and that Good will stop destroying the flowerbed, and rejoin its twin in radical love and acceptance of all that blooms. 

Thank you for reading my spiritual Gestalt.  

There is also an anime called Gestalt about two travelers going out to find a forbidden God... an evil God... or so it had been passed down.

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The trick of the knowledge of Good and Evil: You claim not to have eaten it because you're the good one... who wouldn't, not the evil one who would, as if Good is implying that the Evil one did eat it without looking to see if Evil ate it, or asking if they did eat it, only knowing that they must have, because Good can see that they were the Evil one, so they must have definitely been the one to eat it...

One of the Knowledge of Good and Evil fruits is gone... Evil must have been the one who ate it, and just like that it's in Good's mouth already. Munch munch... yummy Good fruit to eat. 

And Good doesn't talk to Evil to confirm that Evil ate the fruit, Good knows that Evil did, so it proceeds to punish Evil for what Good knows Evil did without asking Evil if it did it, and Good knows that if Evil protests it did not eat it that Evil is lying, because bad things lie, and Evil ate it and Evil is lying about not eating it...

So Good decides it must do something, it must make the garden great again. it must get rid of Evil, it must cleanse G-d's garden.  So it starts killing Evil to make the garden Good as it once was before Evil ate the fruit.

And Good knows the garden will be a better place when Evil is gone, good knows, because Evil is bad, Good told itself so and it was all agreed with only its own half of the conversation, it did not ask Evil for its opinion, because Evil being Evil was not allowed to have an opinion.  Evil was supposed to be dead.

Evil ran to G-d for rescue "we were playing in the garden and then the other one started killing me without cause, please help mend the friendship" and Good looked and saw that thing Evil was talking to and Good told itself, be careful, there's a Devil here in the Garden, be careful ,G-d is G-d and the Devil is the Devil...make sure not to get possessed by the Devil.  So G-d hears the complaints and pleas of Evil and goes to ask Good what it did to make Evil cry so and the Good immediately knows... something is wrong, the Devil is coming, and Good runs away.  It knew it was the Devil coming, it could tell by the ominous question from Evil hanging from its mouth.  And It must have come on behalf of the Evil one... Good knows, if it resists the Devil the devil would flee from it, so Good fled from the Devil.  And somehow when it looked around... it couldn't locate G-d anymore... it couldn't find the garden anymore... where it was standing were just all these weeds that had to be uprooted.

So Good set to work, clearing the soil, making the earth barren to prepare a place for the new seeds Good had specially selected for the best sort of Garden,  a better place, so that someday, one day, G-d will return to say Good job Good, what a wonderful garden you've made without any Evil in it, and then, and only then... will there be peace in the Good garden.  Only then will the Garden be whole.

Good is all alone and still waiting for G-d to return and bless its violence.

Desktop Decay: A Rozen Maiden AMV

I think very shortly the joke will be that this is a Rozen Maiden fansite... yeah, maybe.  I'll post something different someday.  There must first be an audience before there can be jokes.

This was entirely spur of the moment, even the production time was short by the previous standards I've set previously; 6 hours or somewhere thereabouts.

Rozen Maiden: What is Alice?

This is not a review/ there will be Major spoilers.

Ever since I first watched Rozen Maiden in 2007 this series has held a certain Je ne sais quoi (tr: I don't know).  

Initially it was not what I would call a strong favorite as it appeared to be laden with a host of narrative plotholes, problems, and rabbit trails.  It was a simplistic, fun show that crashlanded its narrative threads into no closure.)  Doomed to be forgotten over the course of a decade.

There's just so much anime out there, why spend an inordinate amount of time on one that failed at being what it's about?

In Rozen Maiden, the main players are pursuing the conceptual Alice, a perfected self or ego.  But of course among the 7 contenders there can only be one Alice; that is the Alice game.

If you don't want to spoil the show for whatever reason... run... I'm about to unload most of the show's major reveals.   

Sounds simple enough, so we're gonna get Hunger Games and dolls with an amazing transformational change to Shinku... right?... right?... we're not... are we.

No.

With regards to that synopsis the tv show doesn't actually complete the narrative as I might have come to expect it, and three times it drops off the narrative ledge having left the audience and dolls to fend for themselves.

None of this then?
Nope... no glory be it's Alice and she's got a blue light and orbz emanating from her or some exciting development like that... I don't think the Rozen Maiden's do turn into a real girl if they win... or if they're supposed to... the show doesn't seem to care, and at this point neither do I.

 this is Alvis from Last Exile by the way.


In fact most of the dolls survive the encounters and so the show ends and Alice hasn't yet been determined, and several characters don't want to fight to the death.  And in the second ending Father comes and gives Shinku a Deus Ex Machina restoration and some mumbo jumbo about playing the game differently.

And now I don't remember when or why, but Rozen Maiden went from being a fun series that fell apart to being one of a handful of shows that takes up way more mind-space than most other TV combined.  And it deserves something better than a non-ending.

So I will fashion a conjectured ending for the show, although, I like to think the ending was always there; beneath notice because I was seeking something else at first.  And while that original expectation would have been more typical.  I think we (the audience) may have ended up with something better.

A decade of pondering has kept this show at the back of my mind with what it has to say about the pursuit of a personal ego.  This despite my initial frustration at the lack of a clean resolution.  You'd think I would have picked up the manga by now... I should.  I've practically started writing a pamphlet about the story.  But this is an assessment, just based on the show... and if you're a manga fan... you can comment below to assist me onto the right track when I go off-base.  Should be interesting to see how far afield I end up going.

Moving along

I think this show was marketed and advertised with a faulty premise.

The whole thing on DVD 1 about an exquisite doll wanting to one day become a normal girl...

That's not this show's modus operandi... It is not!

To wit, Major spoilers inbound!



The central motif surrounding the instigators of the Alice game is one of personal lack.  The villains strive to measure up to the idea of Alice, but come from a place  where that ideal seems more distant than it is for the other dolls.

Faced with their own failure to be perfect they reach desperately for the great good and cause major upheaval for the other contenders.

Suigintou is unfinished, she projects her internal fears onto the other Rozen Maidens by attempting to turn them into junk like her on her personal path to perfection.  She causes great harm for a cause, her cause.  She pushes her pain onto the others and forces them to take part in the game so she can attain her wish to meet Father.  Just maybe if she buries the others in piles of cracked porcelain, she'll meet Father, and he'll magically make everything turn out all right for her in the end?

Barasuishou by all measures shouldn't even be a part of this competition, (She's an anime original villain that feels very off in this show... she's a Faker)  Barasuishou has no Rosa Mystica; an artificial soul.  She's a frightful 8th outsider to the Rozen Maiden conflict, who let herself in by some backdoor shenanigans with help from Laplace's Demon.  She drives the dolls back into the game and attains the perfection of Alice, but she loses herself to it.  Like god she becomes immutable... nothing is perfect.  She loses who she was, and what she had by taking away everyone else.  She sheds her corporeal form while desperately clinging to this ego that was hers, having tragically ended everyone else's egos' that were theirs.  Her greater tragedy is no longer wanting what she's come to possess.  By eliminating and taking the Rozen Maidens into her being she accidentally kills her own Ego... what she had is gone, but the group she eliminated is restored by Father.  At this turn in the narrative it appears that attaining Alice is not about one I or Ego dominating the others.

Barasuishou took from the others by force and struggled to use their power.  Her pursuit of perfection only bestowed harm and ended with nothing.  Barasuishou lost herself to the end goal.

If the Alice game is not a deathmatch; what is the Alice game about?
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And then that was it for a while, other than a heartwarming prequel about a time when Shinku and Suigintou weren't enemies.  I love this particular rabbit trail... it lends heft to the prior anger and rivalry between them.

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After a long hiatus for the show we come to Kirakishou; her astral Id cannot take part in the pursuit of perfection without first arresting the form from someone else.  So Kirakishou must first cast another out of their form into her eternal nothingness to step out of the n-field and beyond the mirror into reality.  She is yet ego-less, unfinished and possibly abandoned by Father.  With her unique presence now released One wonders if the Alice game could ever fully play out.

This newer Lovecraftianesque villain named Kirakishou released herself from the 5 second ending of season 2 and her previously unknown madness took form.  She presents the truest and deepest state of loneliness lashing out; she has no empathy.  She's crazy and hard to like, but as she gets beaten back from victory and loses every inch of ground she's claimed, one cannot help but feel pity for her failure to achieve individuation.  Kirakishou wants to be a part of the game, but as she is without a body she cannot be so. She is the forerunner to ego birth and the most terrifying visage of the closed off self.  There is no reason in her; she is Freud's Id.

Kirakishou's nonexistent ego proves to be her greatest weakness as the body she possessed wakens to its true owner.  A stronger super-ego battles her Id and wins back the body she stole.

Of these three villains, The broken angel Suigintou, the faker Barasuishou, and the Astral tentacled horror Kirakishou, I've always liked Suigintou the best, her character is the most deeply vetted and thoroughly explored.  Her relationship with the girl in the bed, Megu, is one of the story's finer paradoxical friendships.

Megu is un-able to have the good life, her life is the hospital room, she's herself imperfect.  Her earnest hope in her imperfection is to end it; let go and embrace the shadow.

Suigintou did not get to start life from a better circumstance, her life has been a struggle to find wholeness, she's herself imperfect, her earnest hope in imperfection is to perfect herself so that she may see Father (god).

Both of them have closed themselves off to the reach of others.  Megu sings and ignores everyone, everyone except the one who shares her struggle and pain; the angel of death.  And Suigintou has taken it upon herself to be the destroyer, the only ones who could help her are the people she's attempting to end; all for the one she wants desperately to meet, but is Father even there?

Even though Megu and Suigintou strive for the same thing, they're both running in opposition to each other...  They weaken each other's resolve, and strengthen each other's will to life.  They're the frail fighters who fancy themselves the strongest for their lone wolf status.  Megu holds Suigintou back, and Suigintou holds Megu back.  They're both on their own precipice helping the other not fall over into the abyss, though heaven help them, they are confounded by the other's view on the matter.

Alone they would each most likely falter and fall.

The characters most desirous to attain their ideal self over the other dolls impart the most harm; to those around them, and to themselves.

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And here I come to the group; the collection of individuals fighting the isolated ones.

Shinku gathers a collection of friendlies around the closed off hikkikomori (solitary one) who invited her into his life (initially he regrets this greatly).  He is Jun and we're ignoring him now, because thematically he always gets the neat and tidy conclusion.  I'm more interested in the struggle of the id, ego, and super-ego from the dolls' perspectives.  The stuff that they're about since I didn't get my magical transformative glowy finale.

This group of helpful dolls is primarily composed of Hina Ichigo, Kanaria, Suiseiseki and Souseiseki.  These characters make the story what it is in being acted upon by the plot forces, and by acting against those same narrative forces in favor of their egos.  Without these battle royale bit players the central plot would have to work harder to drive its thematic points home, and it would be less fun.

Hina Ichigo is the first bit player introduced to Shinku's group and, for some of the audience, the first hurdle to enjoying the show... her character is best described as the prime mover... when she acts, or is acted upon... narrative gets rolling and she gets steamrolled.   Her spontaneity and neediness forcefully kicks the insular Jun out the door to deal with his inner demons while resolving her wants... she can't help Jun on her own, she can only give him the extrinsic push he needs that he cannot intrinsically give himself. This character is usually responsible for my friends not wanting to go any further when I share Rozen Maiden with them.

Hina Ichigo is hugely important to the third season because her Ego gets separated from her Id. Come back friends... look... an amazing thing happens!
















Over the long term, I've actually come to enjoy Hina Ichigo's part in the narrative.  Without her, events tend to take a turn for the dour fast.  She's the cat that tips over the ball of yarn mid thought and keeps everyone busy cleaning up while the plot gets stuck... but it's these times that make Rozen Maiden feel like you're among friends, they're the moments when we get to see who these people truly are... full selves on display, fighting their fate by delaying the outcome of a deathmatch in joyous distractions and malicious trickery.

Souseiseki is a self ascribed leader for the group, she strives with the group, but will give an ear to the lone wolves, she's an arbitrator, but in pursuing what Father 'wants' she loses sight of the meaning behind the ideal and brings harm upon herself and others while perfunctorily going through the motions of obligation to ambition. By voicing 'Father's' will for the dolls she causes the rift between Shinku and Suigintou.  She also involves herself in the start of the second major conflagration in which she is subsequently eliminated.

Souseiseki has the thankless job of putting the narrative back on track whenever the others are having fun with abandon or wallowing in self pity.  Like a good puritan Souseiseki is all about pulling everyone back into the established group-think business of doing what Father 'wants'.  She tends to have a moderating effect upon Suiseiseki, and when they work together they make wiser decisions than either alone.

On the other hand Suiseiseki is the true moral center, the one who embodies all the best and worst aspects of humanity... this one is the character in whom I take the most delight... as she appears to have equally charmed most everyone, being the meme queen of the series.  She's her own yin and yang, and in this story she's the healer.  But if someone crosses her it will turn out injurious for them. Namely Hina Ichigo and Jun.

Suiseiseki's the happy heathen to Souseiseki's doom and gloom preacher.  Prior to Shinku she seems the closest to achieving the ideal Father had in mind in being herself and disliking the Alice Game as the dolls understand it.  She doesn't necessarily see that she's on the right path, it's just inherent to her natural tendencies.

Souseiseki and Suiseiseki form a linked pair representing the anima/animus of the Id and with them we see brief frequent microcosms of what the Rozen Maiden's can be when they're united.  They sync up and help Jun by gardening him.  They prune and water Jun to metaphysically describe the restorative power of the group on the individuals superego after ego death.

Kanaria is the idio---I mean, the ahem, tactical genius.  Her character is a clown who presumes to solve problems, but on her own she mostly makes trouble for herself and the group.  I wouldn't classify her as anything other than bumbling.

Later on when Kanaria has joined the group proper she turns out to be a formidable ally in the fight against Kirakishou.  Her weaknesses can be turned to strength in service to the group.  You might say tacticians are at their best when you give them an army.  Through the twists and turns of her part in this whole endeavor Kanaria overestimates her own capabilities, but she is also underestimated by her peers.

Introductions complete I now turn back to Shinku.

Shinku is the one who has caused the most lasting damage to the Rozen Maidens.  In her own way, by striving for perfection and recoiling from the tragedy of taking a Rosa Mystica, Shinku unveils the pain and sadness of loss inherent in the game and rejects it,  Where before she aggressively pursued the determined ideal and caused harm, she now alters course and shuts herself off from the group having concluded that there must be another way to become Alice. With morose abandon she thumbs her nose at the previously accepted group-think the dolls have about Father... their creator; their god.  To the other dolls it appears that Shinku has rejected the Father... her pursuit of introspective inaction frustrates them and the overarching synopsis greatly.



Shinku aims the story trajectory off course and takes the battle royale narrative down with her.  bye bye Alice... it was gonna be great.  'Was'; being the operative word, because during this transition the kind of show this could be changes into something drastically more open ended.  Shinku tries to find a better way and fights for the free will of the dolls against what 'Father' wants. You might say this is where the show goes off script and when the narrative themes get intellectually interesting.  If you were hoping for fun and exciting anime hijinks... they're fading... this show is fast becoming a fight for life.

Thanks to Shinku's centrality to the plot, and the horrible things happening around her and because of her Shinku falls into an existential crisis of her own making while helping Jun overcome his problems.  Through her crisis the group can exposit what they're doing for Jun, how this struggle for the healthy ego all plays out. The story compounds the characters' problems to make the questions and struggles more visible. Being in the group doesn't prevent Jun and Shinku from experiencing isolation during their ego death, nor does it make things easier for them to work through their questions and struggles... the group can only watch over and moderate the psychological outcome in a manner different from what Shinku and Jun can do by and for themselves,

With help coming from around them Shinku and Jun can get the help that Suigintou and Kirakishou need, and don't yet understand.

For what appears to be a chipper and colorful looking battle show Rozen Maiden often descends into tragedy and anguish with a heavy heart.

In contrast to the forceful taking of Rosa Mystica by the lone wolves and their ensuing struggle to contain it, the noble sacrifice of individuals within the group bonds the ones who come together fighting for the same cause.  The dolls who are willing to cast away ambition for and with each other invariably grow stronger, and succeed, and revive.

A perfect ending closes a book, but a non-ending opens a gateway to reflect farther into the thought. it's through the imperfections that I've pursued other insights and modes of thought because my mind likes Rozen Maiden; it is a work deserving notice.  I no longer believe that a straightforward ending with Shinku glowing blue and turning into Alice would suit Rozen Maiden, for it's in the characters' imperfections that I find the story's joy.  If it's all a lead up to a final struggle to be Alice some part of the whole would be lost, the show becomes less as its members are reduced to the last doll standing.

The mastery inherent to Rozen Maiden's narrative is that it finds its meaning in the cracks, the anxieties, the fears, and the hopes.  If we fill it out to make it work properly like a plot should... it loses its peculiar charm.  Rozen Maiden's ending is about imperfect characters striving for their own perfection and ultimately having to make their own meaning in the failed endeavor, in this context the show's imperfect ending supports the theme better than any one of them attaining Alice in all her glowing blueness ever could.

But I'd like to take it deeper than that just for a moment.

The story is about the dolls' struggles for a better self, the dolls can go at it like lone wolves, or carry each other across the finish line.  But paradoxically by working together and not pursuing the singular outcome the dolls may never become Alice, together they can only pursue it.  The road to a better self in the group is not one that has completion.  Alice is not something to be attained.  It's something to aspire to.  And each of the dolls aspires to be Alice from the place where they are, in their own way, for their own reasons.  Together on the journey, they perfect each other.  And there is no finish line.

When Father meets Shinku at the end of season 2 and tells her there's another way to play the Alice game, this ongoing journey is the construction I finally imagined he was aiming her toward.  The fact that I wrote myself into Jun's narrative backward and essentially replicated it makes me suppose it was always there to begin with.

At its core; Rozen Maiden is a story about eccentrics all fighting alone and discovering their need for each other.  In its imperfections I've followed it off the expected path to derive a more extensive meaning than its premise may suppose.  Through Shinku and Jun's struggles we can find a cosmology of the self and its place in a more perfect unity with other selves.

It is a work that pits the individual against the community and chooses the community... a work that loves all the players in it, even the bad ones, so that we root for them all to find their way.
The plot is just a taxi transporting a cast of characters, and when it has delivered its cast to the premise some of those members take it upon themselves to dispense with the grim formalities in pursuit of a mutual desire for self preservation.

At this point Rozen Maiden is among my favorite shows.  It speaks into the intrinsic despair of existential loneliness when there is no helping hand to find, and it was at such a time that I found it and needed it, and enjoyed it, and was annoyed by it.  It's a happier Serial Experiments Lain for struggling individuals trying to make sense of the world.  As a work built upon the challenges surrounding loneliness it's an esoteric volume that can entertain any viewer not put off by its presentation, but it specifically aims to walk with the injured mind during the dark night of the soul

Alice is in all the dolls, and when they fully integrate as a group for a common cause... their community of 7 is Alice, perfect, whole, lacking nothing.  In this way, the dolls' story is a metaphysical mirror for the lost Jun, calling him to the door, to go out and reintegrate with society (the metaphysical Alice) that he may be reunited with the whole.

I think ultimately, that's why Rozen Maiden's held my fascination, even though it first frustrated me with its non-endings.  Rozen Maiden presents all the pieces necessary to codify a meaningful metaphysical conclusion.

And now I'm waiting to find out if the dolls and Jun can save Kirakishou, because if there's anything we know about Jun; he has the masters hands.  I think universal salvation for Alice (the 7 dolls) will be the conclusion of the Alice game.  And who knows; maybe they'll turn into real people, then again, I don't think it has to go that way.

Regina in Aeturnum: A Shingetsutan Tsukihime AMV

Here's a second AMV, this time the anime title used is Lunar Legend Tsukihime, which was the first vampire specific series or movie I ever watched.  I happen to really like this show... it was the first anime I ever rewatched in one session, and I've experienced it several times.

I incorporated Suigintou from Rozen Maiden as a personification of the moonlight and played around with the monster romance by emphasizing their 'consuming' love.

One of the core ideas behind where this ended up was the idea of finding your kindred spirit.  This approach is taken from the perspective of lonely monsters with hidden darksides finding someone who in normal terms wouldn't be a proper soulmate... but in terms of being monsters... they form a connection in the carnage.

This AMV started as an actioneer set to Protectors of Earth by Two Steps from Hell... it took about 4 hours before I nixed the music and tested the footage against Dark Waltz and a few other unused songs to set about doing something less epic and more slow moving.

I've avoided fast editing amv's so far for two reasons...
1. I like the songs I pick and they encourage slower beats.
2. Windows Movie Maker seems to dislike frequent fast clip changes... which has caused me some grief.  I've found the program to be almost unworkable after filling it up to the 5 minute mark.

I've set this to Hayley Westenra's Dark Waltz and the whole video took about 12 hours to complete.

Oh My Goddess: dvd comparison

I picked up a copy of Oh My Goddess Collectors Edition.  I randomly looked on Ebay not long ago and found one for a price that was almost reasonable.

























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What is it about?
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This is a Seinen romance title from 1993-94, it follows the life of Keichi Morisato after his fateful encounter with Belldandy; a girl who came out of his mirror and who happens to be a Goddess!

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What do I like about Oh My Goddess?
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OMG has a quality matched by very few shows, Balancing the highwire act that is engaging narrative without conflict.  It's a heartwarming series about a boy and a girl and their clunky earnest love for each other. The show is at its best when it eschews action and tension and instead focuses on the endearing relationship in this sweet romance.

Automobiles
It may be strange to see cars get brought up with a series like this one but the author: Fujishima, Kosuke, is a big auto enthusiast... and so am I.  He is credited with creating two other series involving cars: Ex-Driver (Which I have seen), and You're Under Arrest (Which I've sampled an episode of) The presence of automobiles in this series is not an afterthought, it's very much ingrained into the soul of the work.  Heavenly goddesses and gearheads is an odd plot mix but it blends into a natural pairing.  I only regret that Belldandy is not as involved with the actual racing as she will be in later versions of this story.

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Why did I upgrade?
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The price was better than expected because the digipak trays were each damaged in one corner... The discs look new.  Be aware this version can get very pricey as it is out of print and copies are scarce. I'm doing a comparison so you can better decide whether to upgrade or stick with the Standard discs.

I had been content with my standard edition DVD's but I read on Amazon that they had unremastered picture quality, which led me to the Collector's Edition.  It took two years or so of watching to get the CE for a sum I was willing to part with.  Meantime I watched this set twice because I like it.

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On to the DVD comparison
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Video quality is supreme?!?  But was Oh My Goddess worth upgrading?

Here are my findings from the CE.

Collectors Edition:
Positives: The picture and movement is sharp,
                 Pausing the picture does not change the image quality, it's as if the picture stopped.
                 Line art is sharp, no rainbow-ing, no artifacts, no blur.
                 The image overall is more pleasing to the eye.  The colors are more distinctive.
                 It looks as good as a typical dvd quality release should look
                 The Case is slimmer

Negatives:  The sharpness brings attention to the choppy camera movement in the backgrounds.
                   Obvious Interlacing is still present in a few scenes.
                   The opening credits do not appear to have been remastered, the same OP problems are in both versions, rainbow-ing in distance shots of belldandy's hair, and some obvious interlacing at the very beginning.
                 
The Price: I picked this up for $50 with cracked plastic tray damage to the case, but good luck buying it for less than $100.

Case: Well, even if it wasn't damaged, it should be noted that this case is begging to break every way you look at it.  The material is easily bent and ripped. The digipak trays are not well supported by the paper material and are prone to cracking.

I like the presentation... Belldandy over blue, Urd over pink, and Skuld over green.  The discs showcase all three Goddesses and separate the cool blue and green with pink which is closer to the hot side of the scale, but is kept subdued in keeping with the color scheme.

Standard Edition:
Negatives: The usual complaints were rainbow-ing, dot crawl, brightness.  Hit pause and the VHS era quality of the image is immediately obvious.
                 What this translates into is moving footage with a mild form of astigmatism.
                 Image is brighter overall, but colors look washed out.
                 The show looks aged.
                 The case takes more shelf space

Positives: the choppy background movement is present, but the blurry picture mutes the effect making it more pleasing to the eye.
               
The price: I got this set for $25 in two purchases at the time, but $13 is possible on Ebay
             
The Case: Standard DVD cases, takes more shelf space, but you can throw the case around and it should be fine.  There's no hidden cover art.
                -The Paper insert with notes and lyric translations is a great extra.

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Quick image comparison
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A picture from the Collector's Edition: It appears less bright, image is sharp, the phone color stands out,  The overall look is cleaner, but here it seems a bit subdued and drab.

From the Standard Edition-- note the bright wall, and the pale phone, as well as rainbow-ing by the mouth receiver, also present along the fingers and back shoulder.  Edges look blurred... visual clarity degrades as the image scales up.  I can make an argument about how the brightened look makes this look more appealing.  In the end, the decision is a matter of personal preference, but savings speak volumes!?

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Should you upgrade?
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No: strictly on the matter of price I don't think the upgrade is worth the current asking price for the casual enthusiast.  The Collector Edition looks better than the standard release, but the production still looks rough around the edges due to age and the older nature of the release.

With few exceptions You can buy the entire Ah My Goddess tv series 1 and 2 for less than the price of the OMG Collector Edition!

Standard Edition comes out to about 16 cents per minute assuming 25 dollars, and if you can get it for 13 as I purport... you're looking at 9 cents per minute.

If you think visual quality is paramount you're looking at a hefty purchase price of 100 dollars for 5 episodes of content priced at about 66 cents per minute, or a good bit of shopping around for a deal.
I managed to get it for 33 cents per minute, but I'll be buying some new trays to repair my case which is going to bring the cost up.

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Final opinion
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Overall I'd hesitate to recommend the Collector Edition at the high price point, but I do recommend the OVA.  The contents on the Collector Edition discs is of a typical DVD quality, the case is substandard materials, but nicely presented, with this release it really come down to how much you're willing to pay for a better picture... I opted for the upgrade at a 25 dollar markup and I'm OK with the product, but it could easily be an 80-100 dollar markup over the cost of the standard edition and that is way too much of a jump for most.

If you get the opportunity to upgrade for a price that you're comfortable with I say go for it... but don't leave Oh My Goddess on your to watch list... it's a charming show and the standard edition is a great place to start your anime collection, and expand your growing anime library.

Thoughts, questions?  Comment below.